By far, this is the only audiobook that I listened to twice. And it's not because we graduated from the same university. But for how thought-provoking it is.
Starting with a story of fire jumpers, Adam brings out a key idea—rethinking. How often do we clench our ideas and refuse to change? Like submitting your resume and applications on countless job openings while knowing it's ineffective? Holding onto your memory since you can't get over someone?
Just like we need to clean and organize our space (not for everyone I know), our mind needs to get rid of outdated ideas and update our views of the world.
When there is a disagreement, we default into either Preacher, Prosecutor, or Politician Mode. But there is a better route. The Scientist Mode.
A preacher speaks to prove they're right; a prosecutor points at the other's nose and claims they're wrong; a politician does whatever they can to win public support. However, they rarely bring the two parties to agree with each other.
By being curious, ask what evidence would change their mind and how. You give them a chance to reconsider their stance without triggering their protective shield. They may come to realize the limits of their understandings. These questions start rethinking and you may find the other person isn't so disagreeable.
A question (a question mark in writting) invokes thinking. From Rich Dad Poor Dad, George Kiyosaki says rich-mental people ask how I get it and poor-mental people tell themselves I can't get it. From The 2-Hour Job Search, Steve Dalton suggests asking questions and listening to build rapport with your Boosters. And ask an open-ended question in your follow-up email so that they respond.
Project a disagreement as a Task Conflict rather than a Relationship Conflict. In this case, you can minimize the damage to the other's emotions. Of course, the two parties have to agree on treating it as a Task-oriented debate.
A debate is like a dance. Admit there's a common ground. Sometimes you can only advance after you take several steps back. Ask questions to provoke thinking and don't think for themselves. Both of you may find your belief doesn't have a solid base.
Besides, take the strongest version of the other's perspective and limit our response to the few best steps. The more supporting factors we have, the higher the possibility that we dilute the best step. Having these two keys in mind, we have a better chance of finding a rhythm.
Why some Masters are so humble?
Before I left my first full-time job, I told my manager that I plan to meet with my Board of Directors after arriving in the Northeast/New England area. Discuss why they are humble. I simply can't understand. They can be arrogant if they want to.
Later I started my second career in Greater Boston. I have my humility in check since I have a lot to learn in this biotechnology industry. I learn from our operators, technicians, cafe staff, and engineers. Three months have passed when I'm typing this article. It has dawned on me why Masters are humble.
Last year, I read a book named 人生不設限: 本田宗一郎的商道公開課. Soichiro Honda is the founder of Honda. He had a young engineer who graduated from a prestigious Japanese university and led an engine design. However, he failed. He didn't listen to the ideas from the plant but applied textbook theories instead. He should have been humble due to a lack of manufacturing experience.
On the opposite, Soichiro kept his humility in his work suite all the time. He knew how to operate every machine in the plant. He studied quantitative analysis so that he could produce the best quality automotive components. (Yet he wasn't born with confident humility. A simple translation into Mandarin. 不卑不亢。He learned and practiced throughout his life and career.)
Have you heard of the Dunning Kruger Effect? The less you know, the more confident you are unless you know nothing about the subject. In contrast, the more you know, the more you know you don't know. That is the fundamental reason why Masters are humble but armchair generals ranting with keyboards in the comment sections of YouTube videos.
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